by Gael
A nutshell is an appropriate container in which to place the tender
personage of my friend Ben. His surface is often tough to crack
but once you get inside it is worth the effort. Of all the people
I know, Ben presents the most interesting set of opposing
characteristics. He is shy and forward, defensive but open, critical
but highly responsive and sensitive. He is incredibly smart on an
intellectual level, and loves nothing more than a good debate (that
is, providing the sparring partner doesn't get so caught up in the
intellect that it excludes other forms of discussion, contact and
connection). He is also interested in sharing the emotional side
of himself. He can wallow in pain and self-pity but also be honest
and accountable in what he's doing. Honesty is his number
one value. The expression 'honest to a fault' might apply
here. It sometimes feels like he is rubbing his honesty in
your face to get some kind of reaction. It usually feels like
a test of some kind. Most likely it is just his hypervigilant
BS detector at work. The type of childhood in which "people beat
you for entertainment" hardly provides the kind of modeling
that leads one to believe in the usual set of sacrosanct
institutions that most people hold near and dear. His
work in personal development has been courageous and
beneficial for him. It has laid some healthy groundwork
through which he can approach communication and connection
with others. His lifetime mission seems to be the quest for
love that is based on honest intimate communication. His idea of
intimacy sometimes scares away the very people he is
attracted to. Go figure, everybody has a little baggage they
may not be willing to trot out at the drop of a hat! When it comes
to honest communication, I absolutely trust Ben's sincerity. He
is so sensitive that he will spend hours raking himself over the
coals for an uncensored remark that got taken out of context. He
has a delightful quirky humor that works just as easily when he
looks at himself as at life in general. His commitment to longevity
is very revealing. Most people with painful backgrounds want to
run away from them and can't imagine extending their lives. Ben
revels in his life, all of it - the pain, the roller coaster
ride of playing the stock market, the ups and downs of everyday
existence. One thing he is making sure of is that he lives long
enough to heal himself fully to appreciate the multidimensional
aspects of living an authentic life. It may take a little time
to get to know him, and you may find your dark secrets being
challenged by his inquisitor's mind, but if you rise to the
occasion, you will come to know a rare and lovable person.
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